Sonja Cheal Marmalade

Marmalade is a baked bean cat. I bet you've never met a baked bean cat before. If you have, it was probably Marmalade, because as far as I know, he's the only one in the whole wide World.
     As you can probably guess, a baked bean cat is a very fussy cat. All baked bean cats ever eat is ... baked beans. Baked beans for breakfast, baked beans for lunch, baked beans for supper and baked beans for brunch - in fact, I don't think that Marmalade the baked bean cat has even tasted anything else except for baked beans - ever! Sometimes, when Marmalade is feeling peckish and wants a snack, he will sit by the sunny window, reading his newspaper (The Daily Purr, and yes, cats can read - it's a common myth that they don't). And, as well as all this, Marmalade is probably the laziest cat in the World too. He's so lazy that sometimes, he won't even get out of bed!
     I have a tale to tell you about Marmalade. It's not a very nice one, so if you are at all squeamish, then you had better not read any further.
     Ah! You are reading on! I take it that this means you are a very brave person - don't say I didn't warn you!
     Marmalade lives in a very grand house. It's all very proper in there - purrfect for a baked bean cat. There is baked bean wallpaper in every room in the house which goes very nicely with the carpet which has a lovely baked bean pattern on it. The lamp in his sitting room is the shape of a baked bean, and the table is too. His lovely, comfortable, soft and squidgy favourite chair is also the shape of a baked bean ... the biggest baked bean in the World, in fact. In Marmalade's bedroom he has baked beans on his quilt and his bed is the shape of a huge, massive, enormous ... baked bean can. No matter where you go in Marmalade's house - there are baked beans everywhere.